Friday, December 14, 2007

christmas?

it's almost time and it hardly feels like it. it's kind of depressing, but whatever. there has been nasty hot muggy weather almost every day. how can i wrap presents and decorate in shorts and a tank? i can't. i found something new to add to my list of things i wish i could do for christmas but know i can't: fabric garland. maybe if i didn't have to make a million cookies this weekend, maybe.
in reality i know we'd go to joann's to get fabric but we'd get distracted by the chuck e cheese across the street and wind up playing skeeball all day. i know us way too well.

Monday, December 10, 2007

my mouth understands


but where are the protruding wisdom teeth?

rare device

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

pretty tiny perfect

little things are the best

Monday, November 19, 2007

my future

i love prints and things and stuff so much, i'm destined to have a home like amy sedaris one day.

add it to the list


keep calm

wish listin

i've loved you a long time
just so darn cute
ironic!

this conversation happens everyday

customer: oh, i love your necklace! did you get it here?
me: no, it's from a website called small things designs, don't forget the plurals
c: oh, i'll have to remember that.
m: yeah, i have two of her necklaces. they're custom made to order so it takes a while to get it, but they're great. i got a really little one for my birthday, plus this ring from my boyfriend.
c: he has good taste.
m: yup, would you like your receipt in the bag?
c: sure.
m: thanks! have a great day.

seattle! seattle! seattle!



does it work like beetlejuice? because i really want to be back. i was walking to the bus last tuesday, the day after we got back, and i was filled with a heavy feeling of not quite unhappiness, but just not belonging, not wanting to be here anymore. it was hot and humid out, i wanted my coat and scarf back. i wanted pedestrian's right of way. i wanted free drinks.
seattle was pretty great, needless to say. the public transportation was awesome, much better than when we were in the rental car. a ten minute trip to fremont took over an hour because we were having so much fun going up all the hills. i never really realized just how flat houston is till we were as high as we could go. or maybe it hit me at the end of every night when we were walking uphill back to the hotel. regardless, it was awesome. there were people out, walking, being awesome. no cars needed, they're just occassionally helpful.
and now, here i am, days before thanksgiving, wearing shorts. what the hell houston? are you trying to break up with me?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

fuck yeah

cut chemist and dj shadow at la zona rosa.
i would say "we came to party" but that seems to be taken.
i hope little brother is ready to grow up, just a little.
this show will be awesome. we weren't able to take andrew to rjd2 but he better make it to this. one day he'll be sitting at the bar with his friends. they'll all be reminiscing about their first shitty show, and how awesome they thought it was at the time. his will be this one and it will rock all their stupid faces off.
january 18, i love you.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

that's right we came to party

Well we hit a new high Monday, we became party crashers.

Well not so much crashers as uninvited guests. As we watched Halloween on the porch at Brasil's and imbibed (I totally learned that word from a vocab book in 7th grade) a bottle of wine, I couldn't help but notice the excellent music and general commotion going on next door. As the movie finished and the bottle shrank it became apparent to me that we had to see what was going on. I mean c'mon this is Houston, not some interesting city where people are noisy on a Monday.

So since we aren't you know, assholes, we went to the corner store first. Alicia spotted a six pack of Shiner Kolsh and then we were there.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ (thanks b3lla)
After about 10 minutes of awkward standing we actually ended up talking to a few people, met the birthdayee and got to request/enjoy some good tunes (all vinyl, mm).

Long story short crashing parties is fun, safe and educational.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

"anything's probable...

that's what my parents taught me"

Sunday, October 14, 2007

i want to work here

so this is a bit work related which isn't my style but I think it can be universally appreciated



I have this nice little bug in my SVG rendering code that renders all curves like little flagella floating around in the depths of the elevator shafts. I can just imagine walking through the halls trying to avoid being taken in as nutrients for the office beast.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

life just got a little funnier

anyway. so i've been thinking about that aweful moving, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. ive been thinking about the company in the movie that erases a loved one from your live.

i really want that.

i cry everyday. i think about you every minute. my heart races everytime i check my email (hoping you write me), when i look out the bakery (hoping you visit), when i look at my phone (hoping you txt or call me). its really hard and i cannot handle it.

i wish a company like that really existed. i need to erase you from my mind. i need to erase any memories of you. i need to distant myself from anything that will remind me of you. i need you out of my heart. i need you out of my life in order to live a happy and healthy life.

i hope you understand. im sorry.

but, unfortunately, a company like that does not exist. nothing even remotely to it exists. so my next best choice is to get in an accident. get into a coma. wake up and not remember anything. not remember you.







why did you have to hurt me so much?
why couldn't you love me?



i love you so much



i don't care about my pay cut.
this shit is priceless.

Friday, October 12, 2007

not even god understands

So I was watching a commercial for some reason and saw this



At the same moment that helpful footnote is on they are explaining how veramyst works. It is brilliant!

Apparently I am not the only person to notice this

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

fucking creeeeepy

sometimes people ask me if i regret leaving my job. i always say the say same thing: absofuckinglutely not. the only thing i regret is not telling the loser calling himself a pastry chef that he is a fucking weirdo pervert. i know we've focused on the pervert part, but today let's focus on the weirdo. today i stumbled across the weirdo's blog. wow. it's nothing but "fuck you, i fucking love you, oh why the fuck do i love you? fuck you" posts. oh, and also "why don't we fuck?" umm, crazy! but why read my interpretation when i can just copy...

we hug. we kiss. we hold hands. we hang out late. we do everything a couple would do but fuck.

im very sexually frustrated. you lead me on. i think we can, i think we should, i really want to. but when i try, you turn me down. you turn me on. you lead me on. you even asked me if i wanted to do it.
isn't that why he has flickr though?
i am suffering from depression, anxiety and codependence.
you are a sad, sad excuse for a man.
if i were him, you would be fucking me already.
if i were him, you would be happy already.
if i were him. you would be loving me already.
if i were him. you would be fucking me already.




but im not him.
i'm better than him.

so why the fuck dont you want me?
wow, that's fucking poetry right there!
i wish you still liked me like that.

i do so much for you.
i love you so much.
im the sweetest boy you will ever meet.
i wish you still liked me like that.

someday.
ill be gone and you will regret this.
you have me. you'll have me for a long time.
but one day, ill leave.

youll be left alone like puff the magic dragon.
its sad.








i love you.

seriously? the sweetest boy? maybe she wants to date someone not so much like a 13 year old girl. these posts really feel like they came from a little diary covered in purple unicorns with a gold lock on the cover.
and pink pages.
i dont want to see you anymore.
i dont want to talk to you anymore.
i wish i could stop thinking about you.
i wish i could stop loving you.
i wish i could hate you.

oh jesus, just go put on some fucking eyeliner already and start a fucking emo acoustic band and write the worst song anyone's ever heard. you are exhausting.

i hope she gets a restraining order!





Sunday, September 30, 2007

but still, where did the lighter fluid come from?

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

festival guidelines

  • if you're going to take your shirt off and stand right fucking next to people in a packed crowd, please make sure your back is not covered in zits and fuzz.
  • if you're going to be a big sweatball and walk back and forth between thousands of people please make sure you thoroughly wash an dry your clothes. if you don't take proper care you smell overwhelmingly like mildew. DRY YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES ASSHOLE.
  • if you're going to have a dance party (of one) please make sure your stupid sweaty elbows are clear from my face. i have glasses dickwad.
  • if you have to girl pee, don't.
  • if you're ron paul, give away free ICE COLD water right by the festival entrance. thanks ron paul!
  • if you're going to bitch about all the "new shit" the band is playing, at least know the "old shit."
  • if you're lcd soundsystem, fucking rock out. thanks lcd soundsystem!
  • if you're really hot, go to the misting fans. "this feels like love!"
  • if you're the gotan project, complete my life.
  • if you're in the fucking way when my boyfriend's about to puke, move the hell away.
  • if you're going to lie down while you wait for the show to start, move your fucking blanket when the show starts. it's just stupid to bitch about people stepping on your space when things get going. five people could fit in your "personal space."
  • if you're bringing your two year old daughter to the front row, put some ear plugs in her! seriously people, i'm all for sharing awesomeness with the kids, but she was miserable and that's just wacky.
  • if you're going to acl, run into me twice. what are the odds?!

want it?

need it.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

life plans based on trademarks

so i work at this company, lets call it eyeOffice, then it turns out there is an eOffice. Which provides desk space for rent in London.

WOAH

imagine, if only we could combine the power of e with i, that would certainly, == FUCKING AWESOMNESS

time to pack up the bags!

Monday, September 17, 2007

oh fuck yes.

exxxcitement.

overheard in austin

  • have you heard that new band the fray?
  • he's not mean, he's eccentric
  • i don't feel good, i need to get out of here

the last was said by kenton, at acl. he was a strange pale green, in a sea of people packed in like sardines waiting for the arcade fire. we had been waiting almost at least two hours in the sun, the air was thick and sweaty. we had such a great spot! i managed to get him out and maybe one minute later the show started.

i love you dearest!
really!

Friday, September 7, 2007

dallas style

since alicia has been the main blogger for a bit, i thought i'd step in here and tell the world what is on my mind

BIG HAIR!!!





This shouldn't come as a surprise to those in the know, but big hair is here to stay folks. Trust me, while all the kids play with their flat irons they don't know what the fuck is going on.

PS: blogspot, I know more about html than you do so quit screwing up my layout

PSS: Oh and I know that i am an asshole for hotlinking images, but luckily our "reader base" is equivalent to the "fan base" for Flight of the Conchords, so no worries

Thursday, September 6, 2007

just 'cause i feel like being a jerk

my former boss' flickr group list:

  • NEW Geek girls are sexy
  • 18 and up
  • Food Porn
  • Chocohol!cs
  • world confectionery
  • Cake, have it and eat it too!
  • Houston
  • Drunken Photography
  • Dessert
  • YummY YummY
  • drunken party pictures
  • GIRLSGONEWILD
  • Alcohol Related
  • The Ex Gallery
  • Food food food!
  • Katamari Damacy
  • Foodgasm
  • Innovative Food
  • Loving Couple
  • Professional looking food photography
  • partygirls
  • Cute Punk Girls
  • NEW 700 Hoboes
  • NEW College Students Nude
  • Naughty Girl Fun
  • NEW Breast of the Month
  • Chocolate Dreams
  • Nude Females
  • BI_GIRLS_GONE_WILD
  • Suicide Girls
  • Naked Behind Towell
  • NEW Assignment: Houston (#17 Metro Rail)
  • naughty girls
  • The Post A Nude Photo Of Yourself Freedom Group
  • NEW fuck me
  • NEW GLOBAL VILLAGE.
  • Drunk women up to no good
  • A Food Photography Experience!
  • Sexy Panties and Bras
  • CHAIR
  • NEW Teen Group Thong Bra and Lingerie
  • Naked Fun in College
  • Dogs, Dogs, and More Dogs...
  • Whomework - Hand-Bras
  • *Very Special Food Photography*(3 per day max)
  • Clothed then naked!
  • NEW Naughty girl
  • Cubist Face
  • Whomework - Pretty Pink Panties
  • Gastrobation
  • verrines
  • Funny Cat's
  • caviar and roe
  • gynos
  • Post your Cock or Pussy Pics
  • NEW pussy...pussy...pussy
  • HAIRY TEEN PUSSIES
  • NEW TEENS WITH SHAVED PUSSIES
  • I'm using "ROAD TRIP"
  • sluts, whores and tramps
  • Fashion-Photography-Models-of the world
  • JOJOCANFUCK
  • Couples
  • beautiful faces
  • hot teen girls
  • lovely and amazing vintage inspired
  • Beautiful Asses
  • Before & After (Adult)
  • Back Dimples
  • FF&BE - fantastic faces & beautiful eyes
  • Kalissa Smoke And The Nudes
  • NEW Envy of Flickr! Invited (and Envied) Images Only
  • Scallops
  • Beautiful Young Adults Men+Women (18-30 years old)
  • Booty is in the Eyes of the Beholda
  • Cookbook Recipes
  • NEW Every Picture Tells An Adult Story - 18+ Please
  • Dare to Bare
  • my unemployed boyfriend


he is a really creepy quiet loser. he never said anything to me, never greeted me in any way, never apologized when he showed up over 5 hours late, rarely said when he was leaving... just a silent weirdo.

after i got back from colorado he was all giddy and excited to tell me about his penis cake. over the weekend he had to make a penis cake, with splooge and everything. he brought up pictures immediately. that was the most animated i'd ever seen him, and the longest conversation we ever had (if you can call it that).

i'm not a prude, but i just find him unsettlingly creepy. his (ex)girlfriend seemed pretty cool, definitely cooler than he is. and he has over 350 contacts, pretty much for jerking off variety from what i can tell. i just think he's a porn freak and customers better watch their buttercream.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

covet

overheard shopping the other day: "oh wow, this is perfect. this is the kind of thing you dream about till you get it..."


i've been obsessed with these shoes ever since i first saw them. ob.sessed. pair that with my One True Love, and i'm in wish list heaven.

Monday, September 3, 2007

new job

i got a job today, about time. i can't even count how many times i thought "too broke to buy a stick of gum." i don't like to talk money, but things were getting rough. i start tomorrow and soon enough it's time for acl.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

cheers

this is pretty much my favorite person ever.
we spent my birthday playing ski-ball, fake basketball, a little mario kart, and being generally awesome.
though i don't smoke, i adore tiny things. like coffee and cigarettes. teeny tiny!
a very fun birthday, with a way too delicious dinner, and not enough play dough.

Monday, August 27, 2007

generally bitchy

i need a haircut.
my bangs are way too long.
i hate being home.
i hate the internet.
not really, just uverse.
it's pretty cool seeing only 45 seconds of an hour long show.

arrested development makes my day only slightly better.

opinion

jessica alba is NOT HOT

Sunday, August 26, 2007

this that and the other

  • it's so embarrassing but i cannot stop watching the fashionista diaries. it is seriously terrible and cheesy, but oh so wonderful for just those reasons. i wish i could talk trash about nicole with someone. seriously, when nicole quit, those leopard print leggings? i loved the socialite that was a total dickwad to bridget and called her "monkey." but enough.
  • i've applied for some more jobs, there is one i really want. it would be fun and a departure from my norm, and i think that freaks my mom out. i have a feeling that no matter what job i take she'll be disappointed. kenton and i are trying to figure out a "bigger plan" and for now that means taking a temporary job, and i'd like this one in particular because it seems fun and the best in the bunch. mystery!
  • the "bigger plan" terrifies me.
  • a cat is sneezing in the bedroom, it's pretty much the most adorable noise i've ever heard and she did it four times. kitty allergies!
  • my birthday is tuesday and this is my big wish: house, please clean yourself. thanks magic!
  • ever since i got back from san antonio i've been pretty bummed out at home all day. i want a job. i miss target shopping and buying dinner and having something to do. plus, having money to pay some bills. that little ol thing... birthday magic, get on that too. i really hope temporary dream job works out. i need to find something to wear.

Friday, August 24, 2007

san antonio


last wednesday andrew, my dad, and i took off to san antonio. my grandfather had been sick for a while, but it had suddenly been getting worse since the big anniversary party. my dad had been going to see him on the weekends, but this time he asked the two of us to come along.
we got there on a very stormy day, the city was flooding. we got to the house at about 5:30 am, and went into the bedroom to say hello to my grandfather. he was sleeping so andrew and i were in and out, then crashed in the tv room. we woke up a few hours later and it was still dark and stormy out. the whole house was so dreary, it definitely was not the house i spent my childhood summers in. i'm used to that house having seven granddaughters running around, plus that one grandson. there was always something going on there, someone to talk to or tease, always someone laughing or yelling.
once we dragged ourselves off the couch, we went into the bedroom again. he still wasn't very responsive, but we said hi again anyway. shortly after that, we were sent out of the room.
back to the tv room! we watched some movies, ate some lunch, watched some more movies and didn't see my grandfather again till dinnertime. he was at the dining table, my grandmother was giving him something pale and creamy. he looked so miserable. andrew and i are very similar in that we don't know what to do in uncomfortable situations. some of my cousins were there, carrying on like normal. one of them came in and started chatting away immediately to my grandfather. he was unresponsive, but she went on and on anyway. is that what we're supposed to do? it didn't feel right. soon after dinner he went to bed and andrew and i hung around till it was time to go over to my other grandparents' where we were staying the night.


friday morning my grandmother came into the room andrew and i were staying in and told us my dad had called and said we had to go over to his parents' house immediately, his dad had gotten much worse.
he passed away at about 12:20 pm, in his room, surrounded by family.
my grandmother loved him so much, and i never saw it as much as i did that day. they had such a special relationship and i still can't imagine her without him. their lives weren't always perfect, but they never pretended it was. they were as real as they could be.
my grandmother held onto his hand as long as she could, she really really loved him.


this is where things started getting uncomfortable and frustrating for me. they hadn't even come to take the body, but people were coming to the door. just leave this family alone for a bit, please. i understand people going to the house to give condolences, but just wait a bit. and of course they all bring food. but this is san antonio, so it's 98% mexican food, with 2% barbecue. how much rice and beans does a grieving family need? and in such large quantities! when my mom got into town on saturday she and my dad went to the store to stock up on gladware, i think they should've gotten the foodsaver or some garbage bags.


monday was the rosary and the church was full, people were standing in the back even. what made me sad was seeing all these people go by my grandmother and they would hug her and talk to her and i could picture him right by her. i saw him in church, stopping someone they knew so he could introduce us to them. "hey! these are my granddaughters!" and he always put andrew by himself "this is my grandson." as the only boy out of eight grandkids, he got that special attention. i just saw him, one hand on one of our shoulders, the other reaching out to this person he wanted us to meet. and there was my grandmother, right by his side. they were almost always together. he was such a friendly personable man, it was hard to see him in the past year. his whole presence changed. that booming voice that had no problem putting one of us girls back in line, gone. that dominating body and walk, gone.


tuesday was the funeral and the church was packed. i couldn't believe all the people that had come. so many people knew and respected him. there were people all the way up in the choir lofts, people standing in the back again. it was amazing to me. he really mattered to so many people, and it was good for my grandmother to see them all i think. the funeral procession to the cemetery seemed like it would never end.


his death didn't come as a surprise to anyone, but it was still sad. towards the end he was in terrible pain, always uncomfortable. it's wonderful that he's not anymore, but it's surreal knowing he's gone. my grandmother is an incredibly strong woman and she seems to have a plan for her future. i just hope my crazy aunt doesn't ruin everything, but that's a whole other story.

Monday, August 13, 2007

fuck you at&t

have I ever mentioned i hate monopolies? because they lead to bullshit like me waiting 13 hours for a fucking tech to come out and repair the offices screwed up internet.

helllooo an internet company without reliable internet is not functioning. the worst part is we don't even have att we have time warner but because att owns every single fucking wire in the us we have to work with att.

but enough about that, it is time to kill some time and bust out some blog entries!

THE E11ANOIRE SAGA


Some people call me the cat whisperer. Those people are correct, I am in fact incredibly amazing.

As you might have read on the open letter alicia posted, e11anoire used to be petrified by the massive orbital litter behemoth. Thanks to my excellent fatherhood skills I have removed these fears.

Here is a ordered numeric list of things I did to make this happen

  1. Moved the cat food bowls next to the litter box to remove the fear of being close to the litter robot

  2. Moved the bucket e11anoire was peeing in next to the litter box

  3. Had multiple petting sessions next to the litter box

  4. Many deep and emotional talks discussing the need for proper waste disposal

  5. Made telepathic communication with said cat and removed inner demons from her soul



¡VIVA CUBA!


I watched Fidel Castro the PBS special.

It was awesome.

Ask alicia all about it, oh wait, no scratch that, ask her about the 10 minutes she was awake for, I'm sure she will have exciting commentary

FACE YOUR ICEY DEATH


alicia made excellent ice cream today. chocolate and mint, I know you blog readers are like, "yo homey I can get that from blue bell and shit", and I respond "you don't know shit until you had mint that actually tastes like a plant instead of a menthol cigarette"

Sunday, August 12, 2007

this book doesn't have any answers!

I have to say I was crazy surprised with how much I liked the Simpsons movie.

Now I know what you are thinking, just how drunk were you? And I'll reply, get out of my bidness.

This won't be an in-depth review but basically I really think The Simpsons hasn't been funny in oh 5 years, but the movie just seemed to remind me of the hay day of the series.

Also thanks to ten dollars in tokens I reaffirmed my position as air hockey champion of the universe, on the other hand Alicia firmly cemented her position on the WNBA All Star games thanks to her XTRME hoop fever skills.

free love on the gothic highway

This is quite exciting to me

For some reason I just get great joy out of this font. You know, "Highway Gothic" isn't a bad font by any means, and as the article goes into just makes you think of road trips and ice cream and worlds largest ______.

But this clear view, it has a delicious sweet flavor to it. Lickable, yes. Perhaps even fondlable. It stays true to the original, just perfected. I just love looking at it. I want to make it my default font forever and hug it and have all websites use it. So that is why for my birthday the massive "true love poisons" fan base needs to chip in and buy it for me.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

dear e11anoire:

did you know that as soon as i get out of the shower the first place i dry is my face? did you know that today my towel smelled like cat pee? did you know you've turned me into a paranoid cat pee super-smeller?
just two days ago we were 3/4 of the way to the gym and i almost hyperventilated in the car trying to figure out where "THAT SMELL" was coming from. was it my sports bra? i just threw it on before we left, did i leave it on the floor, on a chair, somewhere e11anoire could've peed on it? in a sniffing panic i tried to pinpoint it but it turned out to be a false alarm.
sometimes coffee smells like pee. i am always on pee alert.


e11anoire, i don't understand. your daddy just got an amazing new litter-orb for you and the other kitties. the old one was gross, falling apart, and stinking up the kitchen. we even let you guys have double the litter box for a while there, you know, for transition. i know how this can be hard for you. have you seen the demo, e11a? it's the only self-cleaning litter box that REALLY WORKS. really. trust me, it won't swallow you whole. there's a seven minute countdown after you exit, you're safe!


it's getting really old chasing you around the house making sure you're not about to shit on our stuff. you've really lost my trust, and it's going to take a lot to gain it back. just yesterday we came home from the gym to find your puke-resembling poo on the floor. oh yes, plus that nice big puddle of piss. did you do that as soon as we locked the door? i think we're going to have to start faking you out when we leave, like strict parents do when they have to make sure the kids don't have boys hidden in the closet or a party 2 minutes after leaving the house. i'll shut the door, wait outside, and run back in so fast your little butt will vacuum that poop right back up and off my shoes.


the other day you walked right up to me and started crying in my face. you never do this. i knew what was happening. you started looking all around in a kitty panic, trying to find The Spot. you drunkenly swayed into the kitchen and started half-crouching, half-walking RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. i didn't know what to do. i yelled at you, "SERIOUSLY?! you're two feet away from the litter-box!!" you were gone, you started losing your semi-solid deep dark moss green shit everywhere. when i was done cleaning your mighty green goo there was a stain on the caulk between the tiles.
while that was the grossest, whether it's because i saw it dropping from your ass all over the kitchen floor, or because of the wretched baby poo smell, or because half of it was so runny and wound up smearing while i tried to clean it, i'm sure it wasn't the last time. you've made me compromise me kitty-business values. i truly appreciated it those times last week when instead of ruining an entire load of laundry, you just went in the mop bucket. really, e11anoire, from the bottom of my heart: that was considerate, and thank you. i've been cleaning a lot lately and i understand you're having to get creative with where to pee and poo. the bucket was genius. please, if we slip up and leave a t-shirt or boxers or a single sock on the floor, please please please don't take it as an invitation. it's not. if you must go somewhere that is not the litter-orb, keep it in the bucket. and please don't make me watch.


this kind of behavior will not do little cat. i can't even use the "i'm not mad, i'm just disappointed" line on you. i am furious. do you know how much pine-sol i've been through? how much murphy's oil? the pledge "just pour it on" floor cleaner is almost empty.
and your shit is looking increasingly not right. oh what you're doing to your little bowels and bladder. this is not healthy. please. give the litter robot a chance. it can be your new best friend if you try.

Friday, August 3, 2007

makes me think of grandma


she collects pigs, although hers are a bit cuter than this. if this one was in her collection, it would steal the place of the 1/2" miniature pig as my favorite.

so this is love


hey hey you you
i don't like your handbag
hey hey you you
i think you could do better


and ps: if i could wear this all autumn i'd be the happiest girl ever. cold weather is key when falling in love, thus my favorite time of year.

true confessions

i once called in sick to work pretending to be very distraught about a break up, but really i was just way too high to function.
funlavy was fun.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

nick jr is color blind

there's no brown in the dora the explorer watercolor-coloring book set

Friday, July 27, 2007

to do

Fri., August 31 - Arthur Yoria @ Rudyard's
Fri., September 21 - Bloc Party/Deerhoof/J versus K @ Warehouse Live
Sat., September 22 - The Sea & Cake @ Warehouse Live
Tues., September 25 - Interpol/Liars @ Verizon Wireless Theater
yikes!
Tues., September 25 - Pinback @ Numbers
Fri., October 5 - Rilo Kiley @ Warehouse Live
Thurs., November 1 - Spoon/The New Pornographers/Emma Pollock @ Warehouse Live
Fri., November 2 - Of Montreal/Grand Buffet/MGMT @ Numbers


i hereby live for november.

my personal quest

once a very very long time ago i bought a bunch of stuff at the walgreens around the corner from my house, including this awesome new product called brush-ups. i was so excited, it was actually thanksgiving and i was psyched to use them after some deep-fried turkey and mashed potatoes. this was when i was living with kenton as roommates at dunlavy and my parents were coming over from san antonio to cook and his dad was coming in from spring and it was going to be a good ol' family fun holiday. so i had this bag full of drugstore goodies and somehow in the chaos that was "let's all clean up before they get here" my idiot ex-boyfriend threw out this bag with about $50+ worth of walgreens fun in it, including my brush-ups! ever since then i've looked long and hard at drugstores for these but i guess houston isn't down with the on-the-go oral care. i know they are easy to find online, but it only strikes me to buy them when kenton and i are playing with all the clearance lubes, perfumes, and deodorant right next to the gay pride greeting cards.


well i'm happy someone out there is enjoying them. keep them away from loser boys though.


one day brush-ups, one day...

Monday, July 23, 2007

quarter life crisis

i love anthony bourdain.
What is a “chef”? A chef is a cook who leads. A chef is someone who knows how to cook and who can also run a kitchen. Leadership skills are required. Management skills. The ability to execute a vision with consistency. Doing these things means that you are constantly making decisions large and small.


i understand this, why can't other people?
i just might be having my quarter life crisis. i love pastry but i don't want to fight with idiots for everything i have and do. i don't want to be copying recipes from magazines. i don't want to always be trying to make someone happy who will never be 100%.*
i want to do things small-scale, and my way.
i love italian buttercream and citrus curd with no thickeners and that's that.


i understand "that's business" but maybe i don't like business so much anymore.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

dreams of a better life

last night i found my calling, and it wasn't gay line dancing.

it is being a door guy! yes i think i finally discovered what I've been missing all my life. Computers are rad, it is true, but asking for id is rader.

no really, i think i'd have the best night of my life, if I had cancer and the make a wish foundation came to me i'd be like 'door guy for a night!' and then i'd cough meekly

Friday, July 20, 2007

some fun things to do the week before suddenly quitting your job

have a lavish drink filled $100+ brunch
big borders book spree
put half of your check towards paying off debt
get a $70 haircut



just general irresponsible spending, really. it's really fun, i highly recommend it. go team "i don't actually have a solid job yet!"


no regrets.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Thursday, July 5, 2007

the table is round

a million and one things have happened in two weeks.
basically everything at work has been flipped upside down and turned around all crazy. it's like musical chairs, actually. people have no idea how scandalous and juicy the food industry can be. oh what would rachel kramer bussel say about this?
plus, in the midst of all the insanity at work i went through some terrible deep dark i'll never be happy or love again depression that was not so fun. every morning i'd wake up thinking my life was pointless and everything i was about to do at work would be completely futile, but still manage to be the first one there anywhere between 6 and 7:30. and i am not a morning person. the bed became the pit of despair.
but back to work! it is a wild and crazy place to be these days, and i'm not really happy there anymore. my friend/chef/mentor is gone and has been replaced with a mute fucktard. i spend a lot of time talking shit with my one friend there and whistling along to songs or singing along to modest mouse. when i get pissed off at the mute i listen to css really loud and rock out while playing catch up. but usually we listen to internet radio and one day that too will be gone.
im pretty miserable with all the changes that have been made, but i don't regret being there. if i hadn't taken this job i would've stayed at the hotel forever and nothing good could come from that. i think of the people still there and how they're perfectly content waiting the days out till they get knocked up, going day by day, never showing any initiative, just letting everything pass them by. it's depressing to think the majority of my time would be spent in that gray tiled flourescent lit hellhole. i grew tired of all the corporate bullshit. i didn't want to sit through another meeting about how we had to get all our diamonds. no more big team member rallies.
basically, i'm ready for my next big thing. i may have only been at this place for six months, but i learned a lot more than i did in my 3+ years at the hotel.
i hate the "that's business" mentality and the absolute fakeness of some people.


we're going to colorado for a few days and hopefully that will help somehow. i'm very curious how things will go while i'm gone. oh the excitement...

Friday, June 15, 2007

we're having a dippin dots party!


plus gay pride, and hula hoops, and a pinata

Thursday, June 14, 2007

fake weddingversary party oh7!!!


so kenton over here thinks he's hot shit because he had san antonio highlights and i didn't.
but now i'm back.

SAN ANTONIO REVIEW 3 days later...

  • i got to see kenton in a tie!*
  • i disappointed my sister by forgetting my pearls for the big pearl photo shoot and my dearest mother let me borrow hers**
  • my family and i had the Best Family Photo Session Ever
  • i got to see a lot of the Cutest Nephew Ever
  • kenton and i drove around till almost 1 am on a saturday night looking for something to do
  • and yes, there was the 3 am hotel party with my family***
  • i needle felted a fishy on the way over
  • my mom, sister, kenton, and i made an heb**** run before the reception to buy wine, only to be turned away by officers guarding the reception hall for bringing booze in
  • kenton got to meet lots and lots of my family! welcome to the craziness, love


*aww, realtionship firsts are so cute!
**my grandmother has given each of her granddaughters a string of pearls as a high school graduation gift. just this past may, the youngest graduated. this photo was a Big Deal.
anita: "how could you forget?? alicia, grandma had ALL the pearls in a safe deposit box in case she couldn't give them to us herself."
mom: "anita, do you really think that phases your sister?"
***brought to you by late-night tv, tequila, coconut rum, vending machine soda, nintendo ds, cell phone tetris, laptops, and valero snacks
****the men in san antonio have this most unappealing trait of leering at women. one of my favorite pasttimes while there is to return the rude stares of say something terribly unladylike to them. i gave some loser at heb a "fuck you and fuck off" look. my favorite san antonio sport!

iOffice Quote Of The Day

"I work at a software company, you're lucky I'm wearing pants"

Monday, June 11, 2007

new york city!?!

we just went to san antonio this weekend

highlight reel!
the magnificent "Caliber" (with functional ac included!)
where all your dreams come true
getting my executiv' on
a mean game of street pictionary
the bug
drinkin', family style (top secret no photos allowed)


best san antonio experience ever!.!.

and right now i'm watching alicia sleep, oooh stalky

Monday, June 4, 2007

arts n crafts party

there was also hula hooping, lots of shiner 98, and some skip bo. would definitely recommend to a friend. would definitely visit again.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

YOUR REQUEST COULD NOT BE PROCESSED. PLEASE TRY AGAIN

i had about a million things i was going to blog but then i read alicia's music post and it was so nice and made me smile and not even feel like posting and instead just taking in the good feelings.

there are so many fun/sweet/fuckedup/loving memories that we share at times it is crazy to think that we have only been "together" for a year and a half. then on the other side it is crazy that we have been together so long because it really feels so amazing still and i still get all smiley thinking about her.

but that is sappy and not how i roll so lets get on with the randomness

well this morning (real morning, 8am style) I went to randalls and as I walked in two 3-5 year old kids chasing each other ran in front of me without a parent anywhere in sight. Then inside the randalls about four kids around the same age are wandering about in the bakery and by the baskets. again no parents in site. as i continued walking through the store i saw probably about 20 toddlers just perusing around and basically nobody else is in the store.

this leads me to the only reasonable conclusion:


RANDALLS WAS BUILT ON TOP OF AN ABANDONED CHILD ORPHANAGE THAT BURNT DOWN 150 YEARS AGO ON THIS VERY DAY



In my early morning adventures I was also in the rice village area and went to the five and dime store. That place is amazing you can buy screwdrivers in the original packaging from the 50s and texas memorabilia and pretty much everything you really didn't want. but oh the variety! and you gotta love how the register is substantially larger than most mini-fridges and has all sorts of pull tabs and levers.

and now i'm home, i'm going to use physical force to coerce alicia to watch Sara Silverman: Jesus is Magic tonight.

and to add to the charming collection of Whitneyisms:

While driving home the other day I saw a man skateboarding down the middle of fairview as a hysterical crying woman with luggage tried to catch up.

really I think we just need a tabletop book for this stuff

Thursday, May 31, 2007

at hopkins and pacific

there is a 20-something man that watches tv every night, completely naked, no blinds on the windows, curtains wide open.
one night he was watching porn, completely clothed.
i think i love you.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

fucking service industry

"can i get just one custom dozen cookie?"
"umm, it's a dozen. you have to get a full dozen."
"i cain't get just one?"
"no, i'm sorry."


just tack this recurring conversation up there with the moms that call the day of their child's birthday to order a custom cake, the river oaks bitches that don't know what they want, and the people that leave things "up to your discretion" but then are never satisfied. i am really not feeling the whole talk to every person thing. i have met a few nice people, but i think all the bad ones cancel them out. oh, and also: this is not a zoo. please don't stare at me while i work. thank you!

Monday, May 21, 2007

my music is where i'd like you to touch

i once sent kenton a text message that said "how can i be with someone with such terrible, if any, musical taste?" he replied "because you like to feel superior." well maybe that was true, but one of the things i adore about being with kenton is our music. we can swap ipods and hardly notice and he's introduced me to so much music i'd hate to have missed out on. when i hear some songs or even just bands, i can't help but feel old emotions come back. it's always a good thing, it makes me happy and thankful for everything we've been through together. when of montreal comes on i feel like i'm beaming and i look at kenton and wonder if he has all the same associations and memories. so here is my list of bands and all associations i have. there are countless others, but these are some very strong ones from the beginning of our relationship.

  • the faint: the first night we met craig, hash, katamari, drinking too much, working while everyone was sleeping, sending you email after email about my many late-night tribulations, the smell of breakfast, frustration with the overnight cleaners that would invade my space, water up to my calves, i need goulashes to go to work, wanting to see you again
  • franz ferdinand: the tipping point, rocking it coast to coast, drunk calls, drunk texts, "i miss you", cold and rainy pineapple snacking, ending and starting
  • voxtrot: still crazy days and nights, figuring it out, hating 4am alone, leaving the hotel right after the sun came up, crashing, first fight, crazy crazy confusion, chemically bonding, start of something
  • nada surf (let go): no more secrets, just listening and waiting, finally thinking twice even though it was too late, walking out, passing out, living out of a big rubbermaid trunk, reading together
  • of montreal: staying up late, waking up in the middle of the night to kisses, smiling and glowing, fading in and out of drowsiness in the morning while you shower, seeing your smile as you bounced off to work and i got my own morning started or just went back to bed smiling and thinking about you
  • nada surf (the weight is a gift): driving to dallas, rowdy skip-bo at the anatole, falling in love hesitantly, missing the new pornographers, just being happy, aw fuck it i'm gonna have a party
  • belle and sebastian: "honey loving you is the greatest thing/ i get to be myself and i get to sing", sold on "electronic renaissance" and "your cover's blown", knowing i loved you
  • tapes n tapes: you getting your morning party started, the beginning of things being all right again, getting mylacat, going to dallas but not, getting sick, feeling so bad for you passed out with myla by your side, watching you sleep for almost 24 hours straight
  • sound team: craig parties, moving in together like it was nothing, dropping the bookshelf on elmen, the very first thing we played in this apartment while we all moved stuff in the middle of the summer
  • tilly & the wall: girl music month turned week, regretting not going to walter's, your ever so stupid "prove a point" trait that you would not be complete without, one of the best shows i've ever been to, being so happy i was with you, glowy happy intoxicating love

Friday, May 18, 2007

when the internet was fun!

NOTE: the title of this post is meant to sung to the tune of "When You Were Young" by the indie pop sensation the killaz.

There was once a time when the internet was full of endless possibilities instead of endless work. I used to have a million little internet side projects from the onion rip offs, random domains and of course the pocketlint.

But now the internet just means "get to work", well fuck you internet, you aren't my boss.

Which is why www.tweedipedia.com is going to be the best site on earth.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

some post-spiderman-3 thoughts

i gave kenton 6 oz of vodka
he had maybe 5.5 or 5.75 oz during the movie
plus a funsize bottle of wine
spidey went all emo when the venom symbiote was in him
he really did, eyeliner and in his face hair and all
i think avril lavigne wants to marry him now
or jared leto
we went to max's wine dive after
the executive chef was hanging out with some art institute whores at the bar
our server was a dirty whore that took forever to take our order
kenton's talking to his baby sister on the phone
she is about to graduate high school
i once told him "you just know the whole lacrosse team is going to rape your sister"
i wonder how southwest's lacrosse team is
at least duke had a good lacrosse team
like, the best

i guess i'll go to bed now. spiderman-3 was decent, but not my favorite. blindface howard was very annoying, but foreskin wasn't.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

wish list

because sometimes, i want to make something other than cupcakes

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

i'm ready to go back to work

something is definitely wrong.
we have new cable, uverse. it's incredibly daunting. there are so many new channels, and so much more space on the dvr, and it can record 4 programs at once. wacky. so what did i find myself watching today?
10:30ish the view
i'm pretty embarrassed, as i am every time i watch the view, which happens to be every weekday i have off. don't judge me.
then i got a little crazy and decided to listen to music while i rearranged the bookshelf. i organized all the books by the color of their spine. it's surprising how many reds we have.
then back to the tv!
2ish: last night's daily show, respectable
3ish: flipping back and forth between tyra and what i like about you.
incredibly embarrassing.
4: oprah naptime party! i almost always wind up napping on my days off when oprah comes on. lately oprah has been very quiet and the commercials very loud. this has proved to be an inconvenience and i hope the volumes can level out so i can take a nice uninterrupted nap. thank you in advance harpo.
5ish: flowers in the attic. seriously, WHAT THE FUCK? i really don't know who i am anymore. i really got sucked in to this terrible b movie from my childhood. but i only watched the last 45 minutes of it! but when it was over i could see where one certain sister of mine started to lose it. dear sis: our mother would never lock us in the attic so that she could inherit money and remarry and poison us all with arsenic. we are not victims, and you are crazy.
now: the tv is on the fine living channel, but i have no idea what's on. it's good background noise.

i can't wait for kenton to get home and we can watch the riches. save me eddie izzard.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

for the love of kittens

I'm a blogger. Bloggers need regular posts or else they aren't really bloggers but more like... floggers. No, even better psueoggers.

Well kids it's like my mother always said "It's all birthdays and F00".

F00 of course being KITTEN PORN.

Yes an alarming number of pre-teen adolescents are into a whole new sort of bestiality:


Now before you go off stroking your outtie/innie please stop. This is a very important issue that requires full attention. I know where your mind went in and will chart it out with this bulleted list:

  • Awww
  • Oh I wonder if he/she (depending on how you swing) is all alone?
  • He/She looks so innocent
  • I can only imagine how good our hot hot sex would be


And that is all the bullets I am giving you because you are a sick and perverted reader.

And now


Imagine the threesome!

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

the woodlands: a review

the woodlands is out of control.
it's like someone played sim city for too long and decided to make it real. they just keep popping crazy shit up everywhere. want some water canals? DONE! want cobblestone streets? DONE! want imitation brownstones? DONE! want fancy restaraunts with mandatory valet? DONE!
the whole area feels so forced and disgusting and completely unoriginal. i thought the woodlands was started as a way of getting away from the hectic city life, a place to be with nature and be surrounded by trees, a place to get lost because none of the streets are lit and the streetsigns are impossible to read. someone had some crazyass sim-like master plan for the woodlands though, and it's getting pretty ridiculous. they take everything they somewhat like from the city and plant one down in their little planned community. what's funny is when a chain comes in and everyone thinks it's an original, local business. nope! good luck finding one of those!
i love how the woodlands' site describes their waterway lofts as "edgy" and "urban." i thought those two words were the antitheses of all things woodlands. how the fuck can you be "urban" in a suburban planned community? although, the waterway lofts are located right next to the "market street" area, and that is fake downtown woodlands from what i gather. that is where the cobblestone streets are. that is where you must parallel park, just like they do in the city!
if you still want to be a suburban hipster living next to fake downtown but aren't feeling too "edgy" or "urban," you can always live directly across the street from waterway lofts in one of the "stately" remington brownstones, circa 15 minutes ago.
oh woodlands, you are everything i despise about the suburbs. i love our old fourplex. i love our neighborhood with cops that patrol the area not to make us feel safe, but to catch all the hookers and drug dealers. i love the hookers and drug dealers too! i love how the streets get blocked regularly from drug busts in progress. and i love the tranny that asked kenton for a dollar so she could go buy some eyeliner at 9 in the morning. i love you hyde park!

Monday, April 2, 2007

chicago was fun

A: uniball
K: unisex
A: is not a word
K: yes it is
A: nuh-uh.
K: fuck you. you just don't understand
A: all i understand is your hott hott lovin'. and dioramas
K: in your mouthlovin'
K: POCKETLINT.NET
A: .com.gov.edu/home

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

i like eating your infected ear and "getting you wet"

easter shopping


an etsy
easter

the assimilation of everything

I don't think I have to explain where I'm going with this.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I said no fucking mustard!

Well, I'm sure you've heard already, but I have stars in my eyes. Yes, it seems the internet is all abuzz about my breakthrough from the daily doldrums of programming into the breakneck botox-infused world of day time television.

So the obvious questions come up, "What are you going to do to develop your character?", "has Hollyouston (as we call it in the biz) changed you", "Can you sign my tits"?

Well one at a time please (and i'm not talking questions, I'm talking tits).

I definitely don't want to end up stock-casted as the dreamy but unattainable heart-throb lost in self contemplation. The fan-sites have already labeled me as "The Next Zach Braff", a title which I feel really diminishes what I have done.

It should come as no surprise that the camera-man seemed to get lost in the wild wilderness of my hands. Who can really blame him? He is merely giving America what they want. My skin really does have a natural glowing tone and excellent texture. Just ask anyone, they will tell you just looking at my hands brings a general feeling of euphoria.

Monday, March 19, 2007

spring!

i never really much cared for the season before, but i'm really getting into it this year. i work in a nice open space with doors that open and it's so nice when the wind blows all the papers on the clipboards around.
it's awesome watching showers come up too. i love it when the sky turns all green and before you know it westheimer's flooding. but it's houston, so just give it an hour or so and the streets will be perfectly visible again. the best part about our spring showers lately is that they have a cooling effect instead of those dreadful i want to sweat my eyeballs off summer showers. very refreshing!
and sunday was a perfect spring day, complete with a perfect waffle picnic.
so houston, keep up the spring as long as possible. i'd like to delay the summer death as much as possible. thank you.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

dear adulthood:

it's really nice how i can close my eyes right now and feel like i'm on the crazy swings at astroworld. that is, before they demolished it.
if i squint hard it feels like a rollercoaster.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

clatterford and the irish

SO. I watched Clatterford. I'm still baffled by the fact that there is a "BBC America Original" series. Judging by the commercials on BBC America I think their viewing audience is ~20.

Then it really boils down to one thing. I think the British got us all wrong.

So they say (in much more proper English than I will use), "Why does no one watch the BBC in the US?" And some whipper snapper marketer says "Because American's have ADD and need constant distractions!". And then just like that problem solved make a CRAZY BBC SHOW FOR AMERICA!

10 ZANY CHARACTERS AT ONCE? MAKE IT 20!! AMERICRAZY!

So let me bust out my marketer hat and break it down *insert beat box*. While we love some fast paced camera angle switching craziness, we really don't want the content. It just has to seem like a ton of content could be occurring. BBC you made the mistake of going american style TV + all that content. And what are you going to do with all that content, all that content in your trunk?

I'm going to going to get irish coffee.

Friday, March 16, 2007

i'm a real blogger

no really, i have thoughts and feelings! just like a real blogger

Friday, March 2, 2007

juicy lube

the only bad thing about quitting my old, dead-end, comfortable, full of retards job and switching to my new full of wonderful things job is that for three months i'm livin on the edge, no insurance style. this of course means that unless i want a little kenticia popping out of my vaJLo (jack-in-the-box style) in nine months, i have to endure the pain that is our local planned parenthood clinic.
i would like to say that i love planned parenthood. love. it. i think it's an excellent resource and not nearly enough people use it or even know where to find them. but, as with many things in this backwards and five years too late city, ours sucks. not that i actually know what they're like in other cities, but i passed by one in new york that looked a hell of lot nicer than this one. i'd like to see a ppclinic zagat-type review service started. here is my review:
  • the front desk lady was all right, i'll just leave that alone.
  • the wait: unbearable! i wasn't called till about 3:20 or later for my 2:15 appointment. what is the point of calling ahead and making an appointment? i think what made it so painful was the fact that i knew once i was called i could be in and out, 10-15 minutes.
  • waiting room company: there was one possibly retarded crackhead in the waiting room who was waiting on a friend that was on the Other Side, as i came to call it. she would start mumble-yelling about how she needed to get her hair did and stretch her arms out and rub her hands on the wall. also, she kept referring to someone as "mubber-fuckers."
  • more waiting room company: there was an older 40s-ish man with a young early 20s, if not simply 20, girl sitting on his lap. she looked like she could be his daughter and they reminded me of that dirt episode with the cheerleaders and the pastor. i wonder if he calls her sarah when he puts his love in her. and i wonder if anyone else saw that show, otherwise that joke just doesn't work. but really, that was the best part of the whole episode.
  • the first nurse: she kept calling me mija. i'm sorry dear, but only my grandmother call me that, and i don't even have to call her abuela, or worse, abuelita.
  • the second wait: i got to sit with the possibly retarded crackhead's friend. apparently she was giving some nurses contradicting information. sneaky!
  • the second nurse: she took me into a room with the paper covered seat o' fun that i didn't even have to sit on. she was going to walk me through how to use my new friend, birth control till i cut her off and told her this was by no means my first time, i'm a professional. i got to leave the room before i had a chance to draw on the exam chair, pasta company/ zio's-style. regrets...
  • the third wait: back to where my second wait was, this time i was waiting for a cashier to call me. no, not a cashier, the only cashier. she was in the middle of some mess with a lady that barely spoke any english. there are so many people working there that speak spanish, would it really be that hard for one of them to go help out? regardless, soon enough i was called and sitting in a room with a teacher's "special helper of the week" type jar full of juicy lubes to my left and an empty jar labelled "ask about our free condoms!" in comic sans to my right. delightful! i paid and was on my way!
  • the whole ordeal was only one hour and forty minutes long, and i didn't have to spread my legs once. no stirrups for me, no sir!

woodhead days

one year ago kenton and i had a very awkard bedtime conversation, basically "what the fuck are getting into?" i don't remember much of what either of us said, but neither of us wanted to wind up losing a friend. i've known kenton for almost five years now and i've loved every bit of it. he's my best friend and i'm thankful i simply met him. i'm happy we became friends, then roommates, then it all came to a head that Fateful Night. i wouldn't change a thing.
now we live together with our babies and we wake up every morning in our pretty blue room and sometimes there is coffee. i couldn't imagine having more fun with anyone while watching morning tv on mute, or sometimes not. or playing "first date" at olive garden. or being served shots of cough medicine when i get sick. or playing friday afternoon hookey. or drinking little penguin in the park. or taking mini vacations. or really anything.
cheers kbg!