Thursday, April 26, 2007

wish list

because sometimes, i want to make something other than cupcakes

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

i'm ready to go back to work

something is definitely wrong.
we have new cable, uverse. it's incredibly daunting. there are so many new channels, and so much more space on the dvr, and it can record 4 programs at once. wacky. so what did i find myself watching today?
10:30ish the view
i'm pretty embarrassed, as i am every time i watch the view, which happens to be every weekday i have off. don't judge me.
then i got a little crazy and decided to listen to music while i rearranged the bookshelf. i organized all the books by the color of their spine. it's surprising how many reds we have.
then back to the tv!
2ish: last night's daily show, respectable
3ish: flipping back and forth between tyra and what i like about you.
incredibly embarrassing.
4: oprah naptime party! i almost always wind up napping on my days off when oprah comes on. lately oprah has been very quiet and the commercials very loud. this has proved to be an inconvenience and i hope the volumes can level out so i can take a nice uninterrupted nap. thank you in advance harpo.
5ish: flowers in the attic. seriously, WHAT THE FUCK? i really don't know who i am anymore. i really got sucked in to this terrible b movie from my childhood. but i only watched the last 45 minutes of it! but when it was over i could see where one certain sister of mine started to lose it. dear sis: our mother would never lock us in the attic so that she could inherit money and remarry and poison us all with arsenic. we are not victims, and you are crazy.
now: the tv is on the fine living channel, but i have no idea what's on. it's good background noise.

i can't wait for kenton to get home and we can watch the riches. save me eddie izzard.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

for the love of kittens

I'm a blogger. Bloggers need regular posts or else they aren't really bloggers but more like... floggers. No, even better psueoggers.

Well kids it's like my mother always said "It's all birthdays and F00".

F00 of course being KITTEN PORN.

Yes an alarming number of pre-teen adolescents are into a whole new sort of bestiality:

Now before you go off stroking your outtie/innie please stop. This is a very important issue that requires full attention. I know where your mind went in and will chart it out with this bulleted list:

  • Awww
  • Oh I wonder if he/she (depending on how you swing) is all alone?
  • He/She looks so innocent
  • I can only imagine how good our hot hot sex would be

And that is all the bullets I am giving you because you are a sick and perverted reader.

And now

Imagine the threesome!

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

the woodlands: a review

the woodlands is out of control.
it's like someone played sim city for too long and decided to make it real. they just keep popping crazy shit up everywhere. want some water canals? DONE! want cobblestone streets? DONE! want imitation brownstones? DONE! want fancy restaraunts with mandatory valet? DONE!
the whole area feels so forced and disgusting and completely unoriginal. i thought the woodlands was started as a way of getting away from the hectic city life, a place to be with nature and be surrounded by trees, a place to get lost because none of the streets are lit and the streetsigns are impossible to read. someone had some crazyass sim-like master plan for the woodlands though, and it's getting pretty ridiculous. they take everything they somewhat like from the city and plant one down in their little planned community. what's funny is when a chain comes in and everyone thinks it's an original, local business. nope! good luck finding one of those!
i love how the woodlands' site describes their waterway lofts as "edgy" and "urban." i thought those two words were the antitheses of all things woodlands. how the fuck can you be "urban" in a suburban planned community? although, the waterway lofts are located right next to the "market street" area, and that is fake downtown woodlands from what i gather. that is where the cobblestone streets are. that is where you must parallel park, just like they do in the city!
if you still want to be a suburban hipster living next to fake downtown but aren't feeling too "edgy" or "urban," you can always live directly across the street from waterway lofts in one of the "stately" remington brownstones, circa 15 minutes ago.
oh woodlands, you are everything i despise about the suburbs. i love our old fourplex. i love our neighborhood with cops that patrol the area not to make us feel safe, but to catch all the hookers and drug dealers. i love the hookers and drug dealers too! i love how the streets get blocked regularly from drug busts in progress. and i love the tranny that asked kenton for a dollar so she could go buy some eyeliner at 9 in the morning. i love you hyde park!

Monday, April 2, 2007

chicago was fun

A: uniball
K: unisex
A: is not a word
K: yes it is
A: nuh-uh.
K: fuck you. you just don't understand
A: all i understand is your hott hott lovin'. and dioramas
K: in your mouthlovin'