saw some buzz about this lecture online. even just the title is indicative of why i came to hate that world. everyone assumes (knows?) it's all men calling the shots, that there are only a handful of successful female chefs. sure, we have alice waters, monica pope, etc but in the "real" culinary world there is always room for another dick, but hardly a woman. i thought things would change when i moved to the small-times, but then "things got weird," to borrow a line from a friend. it wasn't an entirely sexist situation, but i can't help but think it partially was. my last chef was a strong, often brash lady and i loved that. apparently the owners didn't. i loved that she didn't fuck around, she said what she wanted, she did things the way she wanted, and she did it all 100%. in a word, she was amazing. i looked up to her, she knew how to turn the charm on when a customer walked in and she knew how to chew me out for fucking something up. she took control like i'd seen all those men do before, and eventually that's why "things got weird" and why she lost her job. i looked up to her and admired not only her talent, but her personality too. what was so remarkable about everything was that she wasn't even years older than i was, we were the same age. it's one thing to see a woman far older and wiser than you so accomplished, but to see your peer like that? i just wish things could've turned out better. i'm not sure what she's up to now, but i hope it's something amazing and i hope one day i can call her up with my own amazing news.
for now? this is not what i wanted. i try to make the most of things, but it's getting tough. i need a fucking plan.