Wednesday, February 20, 2008

stop the press

i'm linking to oprah.
kenton set a quit date, march 31. (is this all just an april fool's joke?) people talk about how it's like losing a friend when you quit, but does anyone ever talk about losing a friend of a friend? we wake up in the morning and instead of a snooze button, i have the time it takes kenton to smoke a cigarette to drag myself out of bed. i feel like kenton's smoking is very much a part of my life too. sometimes an obnoxious part, but a part.
it's not all obnoxious though. there's something so inherently sexy about the post-sex smoke. i have countless memories of kenton collapsing beside me in the dark then seeing his face suddenly glow from the lighting of a match or lighter. just as quickly, it would fade away and i'd be left with the soft, steady glow of a parliament light. there's something comforting about laying on kenton's chest, his arm around me, just listening to the tiny noise of his smoking. he's so calm and at peace with those cigarettes and it makes me happy to see him that satisfied.
but not all cigarettes can be as happy as the post-sex. there's also the stressed out smoke break. having a fight? just walk outside and smoke it away! i can't say we fight much, but when we do... well, i do get frustrated when he just walks away from me but i have to admit it's probably for the best. it gives both of us a moment to really stop, shut the fuck up, and think. there is a part of me that's dreading the stress that will come with quitting, and that part wishes there was a rehab for smoking. i hate being away from kenton for long periods of time, but i know how irritable he can get. there's also work stress. i wonder how many faces, and spirits, he's capable of breaking.
there are so many different types of smoke breaks. now that there's the smoking ban, the smoke break has been changed into much more of an event. at the bar or a concert, it's where you can meet some of the best (or worst) people. i can't imagine what we'll do in between drinks or sets without a smoke break. can we take hula hoop breaks?

however much i'll miss it, i really hope he does quit. he's still very young (despite his opinion that 25 is "old"), healthy, and stubborn (for better or worse). i want him to have a plan, i want to help however i can (can i?). while he has talked about using chantix, i really hope he doesn't. i personally can identify a little too much with this song. chemicals are a tricky thing, i'm not exactly looking forward to his withdrawl and i don't want him to introduce anything new and screwy to his system.

oh parliament lights, what will i do without you?
another thing: can we still keep the cool stand-up antique ashtray?

1 comment:

lint said...

wow, that more or less surmises my thoughts too, damn you cigarettes for being so great